No sleep. Thinking of you. Thoughts rattling around in my head. Just speeding in and out of my worthless mind.
Some real, others based on fantasy.
Please, can someone set this lonely heart at ease?
Is there anyone out there that cares?
Where has everyone gone?
Why does everyone leave?
What makes one person better than another?
I need the physical touch of another human being and not the coldness of meaningless words on a cellphone screen.
I must be a certain kind of disgusting beast
Maybe that’s why they always leave me
Use me for what you will. If you do then , at least, I wouldn’t be alone.
Maybe, it’s the fact that I am unemployed and I have nothing to offer.
(Or) That I am overweight and I am just grotesque.
Maybe, I confuse sex with love
Sex with devotion
Maybe, it’s the fact that I am genuinely ugly as fuck .
With all this to consider…
What if it is that I am just destined to feel alone (to be alone) for the rest of this miserable life?
I do not, under any circumstances, want this to be a “self-pity” entry. I truly would like to know what exactly is it about me that makes me so easy to leave…So easy to forget and so easy to replace.
Is it that when someone looks at me, they don’t see any type of real future?
Because, I don’t represent progress…
I represent disappointment?
financial and emotional burden?
Could it be that I am just too fucked up for anyone to want?
too hard to love?
too easy to take advantage of?
Maybe the reason I speak of death so often is that my death will free everyone up.
A sense of relief.
Thinking of you
Trying to figure out what the hell is so wrong with me.
Good enough for short-term fun but, not good enough or long-term commitment.
Yes, it’s me
That can’t sleep
That’s thinking of You
That’s thinking of useless me
And, Yes it’s me
Once again, thinking of…