The Sadness Journals #3 (Death & Acceptance)

What do I do when nightmares become reality?  When happiness always transitions into depression?  When no matter how many people are here for me, loneliness is always what I feel?  When I try my best to do what is right and then my best still isn’t good enough?

 

Suicidal thoughts are engulfing my soul and the only way to true freedom.  Is that a truth or is that just self-pity?

 

Travelling down that proverbial lonesome highway.  Speeding towards the edge.  The point of no return as I fall helplessly and hopelessly to my inevitable demise.  The cold grip of my personal Reaper’s hand beckoning me to an afterlife of acceptance.

 

The warmth of this stinging pain becomes the only way to live.  Incinerating everyone in it’s path.  Waking up every morning impatiently waiting for the sensations of a calming death.

Is there a way to keep the Hounds of Hell at bay?  Just one last attempt at life?

As the sacred Death card is revealed, I smile with rapt dismal appreciation.  Knowing that I will enter the Big Sleep and finally be at peace.  Is there another type of fate more beautiful than the calling of Death’s Angels? 

 

I sit alone on this pew of self-degradation with the souls of friends to whom, I do not recognize.  Impale my worthless body to a cross of agonizing sin and then allow me to lie in purple miserable atonement.

Death I shall seek.

Acceptance, I shall find.

 ©Timothy Grassan

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