…As I Fade Away…

As I am pacin’, my mind is racin’, a trillion different thoughts and memories, firing all at once.  The Passion of the Lord plays on a dramatic roll-down screen and the unlawful sins of our souls are sought out in the streets.  Hour after hour, this cell consumes me as, I rattle off with a zillion different agonies.  Each one, is different and yet, each one is the same.  My family asks many questions such as “Has he gone completely insane?’ Smoking a pack a day and all in the same way.  Please don’t forget that there isn’t much more to gain.  I count up all my losses and I cry out-loud with all the causes.  Life is, in and of itself, full of treacherous sorrow as we speed toward our demons, those by which we follow.  I can feel that the end is coming ever nearer as my heart is not any clearer.  Upon all these words of true emotion, I still feel there are people that question my true devotion.  My hands are weak with sad tremors and you will not know me, after my memoirs.  What is this thing that has a grip on my soul?  I am spiraling down a deep, dark hole.  When I finally crash down at the bottom of this void, I will hear the shrieks of this band only then, will I take my final stand.  I can say that I love you  and not sure that all this is coming through.  My light has faded and my mind is jaded.  I am not an evil man and yet, I am drowning in the quicksand.  The burning of my own flames…another night of worthless blame.  The fire is heating up.  Come now and fill another cup.  I feel the misery and deep pain.  My entire life has been in vain.  I never meant to hurt her and maybe, I should go no further.  I rise up from my bed knowing that I would rather be dead.  Why can’t I kill this storm?  What does it mean to be “norm”?  When all these lightning bolts subside, would it be because of thoughts of a quick suicide?  In my conscience and otherwise, I feel alone, with no one by my side. From within my nightmares and midnight moans, I just long to be home.  I never meant to bring thunderous clouds down upon sunny days.  Here, I am still stuck in Satan’s grip.  “Just let me go and let me live!”  The chains that bound my vulgar mouth, covers up the evil that pours out.  I just need another chance (another glance).  I want you to know that I love you forever even though your illusions are rather clever.  Please, don’t forget me as I fade away that, we will be together again, someday. 

©Timothy Grassan

 

 

 

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